Thursday, January 19, 2012

Get your hand out my pocket!! The pure undriven shite-iness of The Devil Inside

If the Internet had existed the way it does today when Malcolm X came out we would have had a billion "Get yo' hand out my pocket!" memes we could use to rickroll other noobs. Of course that line came at a very dramatic moment in a pretty good film, but it still relieved us of the tension that Spike Lee's score was inducing in us at the time.

I say all this to set up my rant about 'The Devil Inside', one of the most atrocious and blatant middle fingers any so called filmmaker has given me since I took it in the wallet from Transformers 2.  I had been doing a lot of write ups for another company touting the unique and interesting marketing that the studio was using to sell Devil Inside.

It seemed like the movie was going to at least be unique, which I must admit up front, it was.  But not in a way that I can forgive. This movie is atrocious. And lazy, and stinks of the most cretinous major studio cynicism that I have encountered in a long time (I refused to see Transformers 3. Fool me once...)

I won't bore you with a traditional review because its not even worth that. Let's cut straight to the end which was straight up monkey shit.  We got like 45 minutes of bullshit exposition that was worthless to the plot, another yawn inducing 10 minutes of fretting and hand wringing (oh I thought that dude was possessed but maybe he's just tired). Then a lot of screaming and nonsensical garbage that the directors essentially just throw out in the last frantic car chase.

I will admit at the beginning I was impressed by all the rationale the filmmakers used for having cameras everywhere. "Ooh that's inventive. They seem to be giving the audience some credit," I thought. 

But the credits roll with NOTHING having been resolved.  And yes I know what you're gonna say, but I like movies that have unresolved endings. Case in point, Chinatown, one of the greatest films ever made. Man, it just ends. No happy ending at all but you leave that film saying, "Wow."

Whereas you leave Devil Inside like most people in the audience I sat in going, "Wait, that's the fucking end?!" Are you fucking kidding me?" And then as we walked out the theater, yelling at the people waiting in line to see the next showing, "Don't waste your money! It sucks. This is bullshit! They robbed you! Get your money back now!!" (I love NYC)

I was laughing my ass off. I haven't seen people this mad in forever.  I mean pissed.  It was like the filmmakers spit in your eye and then kicked you in the ass then made you give them money. And the whole debacle ends with a goddamn web address! No denouement, no credits. A motherfucking website.

It was like they ran out of money and the studio heads, greedy assholes that they are were like, "we don't care. This movie cost (reputedly) one million dollars to make (and it looked it), we're gonna make back our investment no mater what.

I honestly don''t know if I should hate them for being this craven or admire the seediness of the whole thing. PT Barnum would have been proud for sure.

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