Get your hand out my pocket!! The pure undriven shite-iness of The Devil Inside

If the Internet had existed the way it does today when Malcolm X came out we would have had a billion "Get yo' hand out my pocket!" memes we could use to rickroll other noobs. Of course that line came at a very dramatic moment in a pretty good film, but it still relieved us of the tension that Spike Lee's score was inducing in us at the time.

I say all this to set up my rant about 'The Devil Inside', one of the most atrocious and blatant middle fingers any so called filmmaker has given me since I took it in the wallet from Transformers 2.  I had been doing a lot of write ups for another company touting the unique and interesting marketing that the studio was using to sell Devil Inside.

It seemed like the movie was going to at least be unique, which I must admit up front, it was.  But not in a way that I can forgive. This movie is atrocious. And lazy, and stinks of the most cretinous major studio cynicism that I have encountered in a long time (I refused to see Transformers 3. Fool me once...)

I won't bore you with a traditional review because its not even worth that. Let's cut straight to the end which was straight up monkey shit.  We got like 45 minutes of bullshit exposition that was worthless to the plot, another yawn inducing 10 minutes of fretting and hand wringing (oh I thought that dude was possessed but maybe he's just tired). Then a lot of screaming and nonsensical garbage that the directors essentially just throw out in the last frantic car chase.

I will admit at the beginning I was impressed by all the rationale the filmmakers used for having cameras everywhere. "Ooh that's inventive. They seem to be giving the audience some credit," I thought. 

But the credits roll with NOTHING having been resolved.  And yes I know what you're gonna say, but I like movies that have unresolved endings. Case in point, Chinatown, one of the greatest films ever made. Man, it just ends. No happy ending at all but you leave that film saying, "Wow."

Whereas you leave Devil Inside like most people in the audience I sat in going, "Wait, that's the fucking end?!" Are you fucking kidding me?" And then as we walked out the theater, yelling at the people waiting in line to see the next showing, "Don't waste your money! It sucks. This is bullshit! They robbed you! Get your money back now!!" (I love NYC)

I was laughing my ass off. I haven't seen people this mad in forever.  I mean pissed.  It was like the filmmakers spit in your eye and then kicked you in the ass then made you give them money. And the whole debacle ends with a goddamn web address! No denouement, no credits. A motherfucking website.

It was like they ran out of money and the studio heads, greedy assholes that they are were like, "we don't care. This movie cost (reputedly) one million dollars to make (and it looked it), we're gonna make back our investment no mater what.

I honestly don''t know if I should hate them for being this craven or admire the seediness of the whole thing. PT Barnum would have been proud for sure.

Drive

I saw Drive a while back but it stays with me. 

I'd say I'm vaguely a Ryan Gosling fan, having been blown away by his performance in The Believer and to a lesser extent his performance in The Notebook (love it or hate it). I felt like he was an actor worth paying attention to. And Nicolas Winding Refn has been on my radar since I watched Bronson, where I first discovered Tom Hardy.  

But nothing prepared me for Drive.

Drive is propulsive, moody, colorful, well acted.  After watching it I immediately called my buddy and said, "I don't know what it is but I think I love this movie!" And was heartened when she exclaimed the same in return.


Drive just has this thing about it. It seemingly knows what it is portraying, see the song "A Real Hero" playing while the hero is literally driving around L.A. at night.

My Internet crush verbalized the mesmerizing traits of Drive better than I here. But I think one of the things about a Refn movie is that he manages to get amazing performances out of all his actors. I mean everyone in Drive is spectacular. I've never been a huge Carey Mulligan fan but she was spectacular in a role that could have easily been a stock Hollywood stereotype.

Christina Hendricks was really impressive in her cameo, Ron Perlman was heartbreaking, and Bryan Cranston continues to stun. See? You care about the characters. 


And I think that is what a good director does. He gets everything out of his performers. I've never been an Albert Brooks fan but he was fantastic. I left the theater and immediately wanted to go back in and see that movie again. And that never happens. Can't wait to see what he does next.

 

Not Really Kubrick after all

Please make it stop! I have a problem, and that is that I am a completion-ist.  I can't stop watching a movie, any movie before the end credits role. The problem with that is once I realize the movie is putrescent it becomes a battle of attrition. I once sat all the way through 8MM.

I say all this to preface the fact that I just finished watching Fear and Desire by Stanley Kubrick.  Fear and Desire is the fabled first film by the former war photographer turned film master. The plot is really basic but what is weird is the myriad voice-overs that permeate the film.  I did a little research and discovered that initially Fear was supposed to be a silent film.  The disembodied voice overs would become a hallmark of Kubrick's filmography.  Barry Lyndon is a great example.

Anyway, I realized about 15 minutes into the movie that it was unwatchable. You do not care about any other the characters or care what is happening onscreen.  I just wanted it to stop. It's so boring and plodding that I understood why Kubrick disowned it. It was the work that wasn't up to snuff with his later masterpieces although you can see the beginnings of his trademarks all over this "film". But it simply not up to snuff and I can see why Kubrick never referenced it.